Fawlty Stargates
by JolinarCarter
Summary: SG-1 go through the Gate but instead of another planet, they end up in another country - Torquay, England to be exact, and stay in an odd hotel owned by Basil Fawlty...


"Where are we?" O'Neill asked, as he stumbled out of the event horizon. Unless they were dreaming, the scenery had changed in the last one minute since the MALP was sent through.  
  
"Sir, I think we're on…Earth!" Carter exclaimed suddenly.  
  
"Where on Earth are we?" He asked.  
  
"Torquay, I think!" Carter recognised this place.  
  
"Torquay Major?" O'Neill asked, putting his sunglasses on.  
  
"Yes. We're outside a place called…Oh my god!" Sam stopped when she read the sign. This is not happening!  
  
"Fawlty Towers?" Daniel read.  
  
"Yeah." Carter agreed.  
  
"Was not Fawlty Towers an English comedy series made years ago?" Teal'C inquired.  
  
"Yes. I suggest we go in sir."  
  
"Okay." They entered the hotel, and stood at the reception desk.  
  
"Hi, could we get a couple of rooms please?"  
  
"No speak English!" Manuel told Jack. He then looked at Carter, admiringly. A tall man came out with a frying pan, and hit the poor little guy over the head with it.  
  
"Manuel, you idiot! You couldn't do one thing right could you?"  
  
"Basil! We have guests!" Sybil yelled to him.  
  
"Hello. I'll be with you soon." Basil smiled a fake smile, and continued with what he was doing.  
  
"We'd like some rooms."  
  
"I'm busy!"  
  
"Basil!"  
  
"It's okay Mrs. Fawlty, I'll deal with them." Polly entered.  
  
"Are you called Polly?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yes, do I know you?"  
  
"No, I just knew you were Polly. That's Manuel, and that's Basil, and that voice belonged to a woman named Sybil."  
  
"Yes! Anyway, do you have reservations?"  
  
"No, it was an…unexpected stop!"  
  
"Oh, I see. Well, we have two rooms left, with double beds that's all I'm afraid. They have doors that open in to each other."  
  
"That'll be fine, thank you." Jack butted in. Maybe I'll get lucky and spend my night snuggled up to Carter. Get real, she probably loves a rat more than you Jack!  
  
"Okay, Manuel, take them to rooms four and five."  
  
"Four? Five?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You have bags…no?"  
  
"Packs, but they're on our backs."  
  
"Que?"  
  
"Never mind." Jack shook his head, and Manuel led them upstairs in to the rooms. Sam unlocked the door, and they thanked Manuel. Jack jumped on to the bed. "Care to join me Sam?" Daniel and Teal'C were in there too.  
  
"Yes sir. Might as well, but no snuggling up to me, as I don't think Hammond would approve."  
  
"We'll take next door." Danny thought out loud, thinking that Jack wanted some sleep.  
  
"I need only a chair Daniel Jackson. You may sleep in the bed."  
  
"Thanks." Daniel and Teal'C unlocked their door, and entered. Jack locked the door, then looked around the room.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"Well the place we were headed was a different time zone to us, so it would be night on Earth, but day on Terraza."  
  
"So?"  
  
"About ten I think."  
  
"Well, I'm worn out Carter!"  
  
"I'll be back in a minute." There was a scream from the bathroom a minute later and Sam rushed out and in to the arms of her beloved CO, dressed in only her very small underwear. Jack was in his underpants and he was shirtless!  
  
"What?"  
  
"There was a rat in there!" Jack ran over and closed the door. There was a knock at both doors. Jack answered the front door, and Sam answered Danny's door.  
  
"What's wrong Sam? You're in your under wear?"  
  
"There's a rat…in the tub!"  
  
"Oh. Night."  
  
"Night." Danny closed the door. Sam joined Jack at the front door.  
  
"Anyway, I heard a scream and…hello baby!" Basil said as he saw Carter. Jack threw her a robe, and she put it on.  
  
"There's a rat in our tub."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"And the view is awful!"  
  
"What did you expect to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window…the hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wild beast strolling majestically across the plain?" Basil fumed. "But the rat, I think I have an idea of who's rat that is. MANUEL!" Basil yelled. Manuel ran upstairs to Basil's side.  
  
"Why is there a rat in the bath?"  
  
"Rat? Is a Siberian Hamster!"  
  
"It's a rat! This man's wife saw a rat, and nearly deafened me!" Manuel and Basil entered the bathroom, with O'Neill and Carter behind them.  
  
"Basil!" Sybil shouted up.  
  
"What dear?" Basil shouted down.  
  
"You need to hang the Moose's head."  
  
"I will later dear." Basil lied.  
  
"Good." Sybil smiled.  
  
"Manuel, take him." Basil grabbed the rat, or 'Siberian hamster' and left, followed by Basil, and a frying pan that had suddenly appeared from somewhere.  
  
"That's better." Jack closed the door, and Carter removed her robe. "Carter, I don't mean to offend you, but could you either cover up or have your bath please? It's just that…you know."  
  
"Too tempting for you sir?" Sam joked, but Jack nodded, seriously.  
  
"Yes you are. Have your bath Major."  
  
"Yes sir, thank you."  
  
"Let me get the rat droppings out of the basin first though!" Jack removed all of the rat droppings with a tissue, Sam then had her bath, and joined Jack in the bedroom.  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Yes thanks."  
  
"Care to join me?" Jack patted the spot next to him on the bed. Sam walked over  
  
"Now you're cleaner…do you have any spare clothes Sam?" Jack asked.  
  
"Yep. I always pack a spare shirt, in case mine rips or anything. It's a very long shirt sir." Sam explained.  
  
"Good." Damn it! On the bright side…obviously she doesn't love rats more than me. Jack and Sam dived down under the covers, both of them blushing.  
  
"Nothing to be embarrassed about, we're just tow friends and co-workers lying next to each other…"  
  
"In the same bed…"  
  
"Next to each other…"  
  
"Under the same covers…" I think we'll leave them there. It's up to you what happened. The next morning, the four friends went down to breakfast.  
  
"Thank you." Manuel served the breakfast, and Carter smiled. Manuel smiled back, but Jack gave him a look that said 'she's mine mate, find your own gal, or get your face re arranged.'  
  
"Good morning everybody." Sybil beamed cheerfully.  
  
"You look happy Mrs. Fawlty." Daniel commented.  
  
"I don't believe we've met Mr…" Sybil paused.  
  
"Jackson, Doctor Daniel Jackson. This is Murray Strong, and Jack O'Neill and…"  
  
"Samantha Faye O'Neill." Jack finished Daniel's sentence for him. Why not pretend?  
  
"Nice to meet you all. Are you the husband and wife that found a rat in your tub?" Sybil asked.  
  
"Yes." Sam nodded.  
  
"I apologise then Mr. and Mrs. O'Neill." Sybil apologised.  
  
"Manuel, you idiot! Here's your breakfast, blonde loud screamed woman." Basil presented Sam with a bowl. Sam couldn't quite make out what the little thing floating in it was. Manuel came over. "Manuel, is that a part of your brain?" Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal'C left some money, and then ran for their lives. They found a car, and Jack got it started. They got half way down the road when they stopped.  
  
"Crap!" Jack got out of the car, and started beating it with a branch. SG-1 then woke up from their nightmares. They had all had the same one, and they all yelled. 


End file.
